#JustaQuickiePlease: Spiderman: Homecoming

Marvel's Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  This is one of the worst examples of pandering to a fandom, and that selfsame fandom accepting an inferior product just for the sake of seeing their favorite character grace the silver screen.   What follows is, what I can only imagine could be the studio's thought process.  Basically, we introduced this guy in Civil War, and we have done his backstory to death, so, now we HAVE to give him his own film, to continue making ungodly amounts of cash.   I know, let's surround him with a lackluster storyline that no one will care about who is over the age of 16, or has that mentality, villains who are as interesting as watching grass grow, and a suit that looks so CGI it nearly parodies itself.  Returning to reality, one would think this would be a recipe for disaster.  Nope, not when it comes to Marvel fans who made a film like Iron Man 3 a cash cow.   The good news, after the credits roll, you will appreciate the first two Raimi films, as you already should have.  Holland is, admittedly, the best Parker yet, while at the same time, being the worst Wall Crawler to date.  Tomei was a ludicrous casting choice for May, not through any fault of her own, but for the complete abandonment of any decent or even tangible character development.   However, the award for the most phoned in performance goes to, and this literally kills me to say, Keaton, who delivers a bored Batman as any even more boring Vulture.   I pray, my beloved franchise has not lost its way, and by the looks of Infinity War, I may have nothing to worry about.  However, as far as the Web Slinger is concerned, I think a supporting role may be the best fit for the youngest member of this cinematic universe's Avengers.  By the way, love the Stan Lee cameo, as always, and major props for the best end credit scene yet, courtesy of the Cap.  2 out of 5 Kernels; Downey Jr. didn't want to do a fourth Iron Man movie, funny, because this felt an awful lot like it was, or at least Iron Man 3.5.

#JustaQuickiePlease: Power Rangers (2017)

The show that, literally, today's kiddies and their parents have grown up with, thanks to a two decade plus run that appears to have no end, finally makes its blockbuster leap to the big screen. Dean Israelite, director of the failed POV time travel flick, Project Almanac, takes the helm of this ambitious project bringing us his interpretation of Saban's cash cow.  A daunting task, as far as, the hype is concerned, but not as much in the realms of acting, special effects, or story, as this Saturday morning staple obviously never boasted a focus in those areas.  I am not a fan of the show, so I must tread lightly because for me, this franchise has always been the equivalent of bad cosplay meets worse fight choreography, topped off by juvenile performances.   I have to say though, putting my disdain aside, this was not a horrible film.  The story telling was basic and predictable, yes, but the acting was somewhat credible and the effects quite impressive.  It is an honest flick, playing to its target audience; fans of the show, and a new, young generation that can relate to its characters, or at least, identify with them.  At moments, it felt like this could be this generation's Breakfast Club with robotic dinos and Zentai Suits.   Would I see it again, no, however, that doesn't mean it wasn't a fun ride in the moment.  2 out of 5 Kernels; it may not "Go...Go" all the way to the bank, but with a fairly unknown director leading the effort, and a rabid fandom permeated with unrealistic expectations, what did they expect.

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#JustaQuickiePlease: Transformers: The Last Knight Review

                Two and a half hours of complete CGI B.S and that is being way too kind.  The equivalent of Michael Bay's wet dream, as opposed to his swan song, this final chapter (yeah right) of the once inspired, funny, and innovative series, ends up being a nonsensical, ridiculously illogical,  poorly acted, middle finger to common sense and scientific principle, not to mention, any fan of the franchise.  
                I will give credit for Bay's only success in this farce, in the way he ties the enterprise altogether.  However, he and Singer share the same disrespect for continuity and timelines, as each film seems to retell the history of the robots that are "more than meets the eye."   It's literally as if Barry Allen was the head screenwriter.  
              Long gone are the days of the cartoonish fun and spectacular effects, replaced by a disconnect and gratuitous glut of CGI, poorly timed humor, that feels disjointed and disingenuous, shotgun editing, and an utter disregard from character development or believable plotlines.   At least the Dinobots got a bit more screentime, although I don't think puppy like play time is what everyone expected, or wanted.
              0 out of 5 Kernels: Apparently even Transformers have a self-destruct mode, and it only took 5 films to find it.

#JustaQuickiePlease: Life Review

                Sony's not a prequel to their upcoming Venom enterprise is absolutely a prequel to their upcoming Venom enterprise.   Director Espinosa delivers to the screen a return to the claustrophobic, heart racing, edge of your street, science fiction horror genre that has been sorely lacking since such iconic thrillfests as the original Alien and the space vampire romp Lifeforce.  
                 This is a tale of terror that never quite looks like a tale of terror until the last act of the film.   Instead, what we get is an authentic voyage into the ill-fated lives of this effective ensemble that starts as bright as hopefulness can be and ends in an utterly disturbing dismay with a gut-punch twist.   Exquisitely filmed, with a nicely crafted script and a terrifyingly imaginative creature that truly gets under your skin as it malevolently evolves, Life nearly wins on every level.  
                 3 out of 5 Kernels: it may not measure up to the Xenomorphs, but Calvin is just as cool and creepy, so don't let the name fool you.

#JustaQuickiePlease: 47 Meters Down Review

                   Promoted as the next Jaws, this shipwreck is more hapless minnow than ominous great white.  Predictable, silly, and at times, downright boring, Moore's attempted comeback drowns in its own undeniably failed attempt at horror and drama.
                    You know it's going to be a bad day when all four of your CGI sharks, look identical to each other down to the very last detail.   Completely ignoring any principles of science, and with sharks who are more controlled by plot device than actual bloodlust, director Roberts seems to be in a desperate and relentless race, of one, to become the next straight to download, B-movie master.                              While Mandy is awful, her supporting ensemble is worse, all apparently competing for the prize of being either the most irritatingly stereotypical or exhaustingly stale.   Without a doubt, the only scary elements of this flick of finned fear were the price of admission and the seemingly endless runtime.
                   0 out of 5 Kernels; a toothless tale of terror.

#JustaQuickiePlease: John Wick: Chapter 2 Review

                  Ratcheting up the action and artful choreography, this sequel is an amusement park ride of kick assery but is sorely lacking in the humanity and intimacy of its predecessor.   This next installment picks off right where the last left off, with all of the gusto and bravado as a blockbuster bull in a china shop.   However, by credits roll, that is all this film is; nonstop, sophisticated and nearly eloquent action, and although that may appear to be enough, the absence of the original's substance and gritty indie feel truly lessens its overall value.  This next episode seems to fall victim to one of the vastly ignored rules of filmmaking in Hollyweird; sometimes a bigger punch isn't a better one.  
                 Reeves is an immense a presence as expected, owning every second of screen time.  The Matrix reunion, with Fishbourne, is a bit disappointing, but the best script writer on his or her most creative day could have never matched that hype.   The remaining cast is solid, not exceptional, but they compliment the story.
                 This is a movie of scenes, ones that make you literally have to catch your breath in their sweep and scope.   In totality, however, it falls into the company of most sequels; all unable to truly measure up to their firsts.  The set up for a third is brutally evident, let's just hope they return to their roots and give us a final chapter worthy of the Wick.  Although my vote would go to a prequel, so we can all bare witness to that impossible task.
                3 out of 5 Kernels; the most heartbreaking moments, watching that magnificent muscle car being torn to shreds.  It was nearly unbearable.