One Minute Movie Review: Arthur Christmas

Director Sarah Smith attempts to craft a new Christmas classic using somewhat over used tools that would have performed better in more experienced hands. Although the animation is stunning this film tries too hard with too much material. Although, I enjoyed the Sci Fi, Hi Tech portrayal of St. Nick, the story loses steam fast and the novelty wears off quickly thanks to a bloated script. Arthur, voiced by James McAvoy (Prof. X from X-Men: First Class) is endearing enough, at first, but the overreaching performance turns him from reluctant hero to outright goofball. The remaining cast; Laurie, Nighy, Longoria, Cusack, and Serkis perform well together but the unnecessary length of the film waters down their chemistry. The story could have been half as long and elicited twice the impact. When trying to pull at heartstrings one doesn't have to use a G.I. Joe Kung Fu grip. The tale of Santa has been done ad nauseam, and there are far better holiday flicks than this one, from stop motion classics to Edmund Gwenn and Tim Allen's signature portrayals. The kiddies got bored quick and that is the best barometer of them all. 2 out of 5 Kernels: This movie ended up just being Ho Ho Hum.

One Minute Movie Review: Ironclad

Director Jonathan English delivers his version of the medieval magnificent seven with all the historical accuracy of Brave heart with twice the violence and gore. Despite its many factual flaws, what this film does authentically portray is the brutality of combat in the dark ages, and that it does ad nauseum.   The acting is subdued but engaging, the effects are over reaching, and the cinematography provides this flick with a gritty and genuine scope and sweep. Paul Giamatti is absolutely miscast as the cowardly and oppressive king.  His performance comes off whiny and irritating rather than convincing and sinister. James Purefoy plays the brooding and reluctant hero, obsessively, and Brian Cox convincingly portrays the rebellious baron probably the best performance of his career. Finally, Kate Mara delivers a less than stellar performance as the tormented heroine locked into a loveless marriage and a soulless yearning for Purefoy's knightly warrior. The remaining cast pulls of a B minus attempt to capture the camaraderie and chemistry of the magnificent seven, dirty dozen ensemble concept. In the end, it was a good idea that never reached beyond that.  2 out of 5 Kernels: this movie lived and died by its own sword.

One Minute Movie Review: Wreck It Ralph

The Hi-Tech, totally retro answer to the Toy Story franchise, Wreck It Ralph is one of the most spectacularly animated and wonderfully exciting of its genre. Director Rich Moore has had a lackluster career to this point and still somehow garnered a shot by the Godfather of Mice to give it a go with a full length CGI feature. It was a risk well taken and Moore creates a stunning, unique, and magical arcade universe that pays homage to some of the most popular titles of the 80's videodrome boom. While waxing nostalgic at times, the film also brings a contemporary, quick, and sharp wit to it and an ultra cool story line about what defines who we are. John C. Reilly, who is one of the worst comedic actors of our time bringing bathroom and pre-teen hunor to new lows on a regular basis, apparently finds religion and his talent in this flick and delivers a brilliant performance as Ralph, the bad guy who desperately wants to be good.  Apparently, Moore was creating an environment to regenerate hapless talent and careers as he delivers Sarah Silverman as Riley's costar who in turn delivers one of the cutest and most sarcastic characters to ever enter the animated legacy. She pulls off a combination of biting kiddie humor and adorability that I can't believe anyone could do better.  Jane Lynch, rounds out the cast as the all or nothing, gung ho, HALOette (just made that up) and she plays the parts with all the energy of a supernova.  There is enough tongue in cheek repertoire to make your mouth bleed.  Disney did not become the multi quadrillion dollar company on accident and films like this prove they have the moxie and imagination to top themselves time and time again. A delightful family story with a terrific morale, solid and authentic acting, and some downright slick and cool effects.  4 out of 5 Kernels: Wreck It Ralph surely wins a high score for the year and will capture enough coin to make Mario cry.

One Minute Movie Review: October Baby

One of the better "Christian" movies that I have viewed in the areas of plot, realism, and acting. With that said, it unfortunately still suffers from the same ailment that most theologically based films of the past few decades.  It tries too hard to be hip to disguise the fact that it is a Christian movie in the effort to draw in a larger audience. I, in my many years, have never figured out why this stigma exists and can't be resolved. I believe it mostly exists because many of these production companies practice their own brand of, biblically based, political correctness, reducing realism to a cartoonish view of world problems and a stale way in which their players react to it. The redeeming quality of this outing is unlike it's predecessors, this film only sputters for the first half and then recovers and drives full emotional throttle through the latter half.  In the beginning, the movie plays like a poor facsimile of indie film, with too many inane quick shots and artsy camera work. Add to that, an annoying soundtrack that spurts out every time a scene changes or someone exhibits an ounces of emotion as if you were suffering through some extended episode of the Hills. The purpose is appaulingly apparent; to give the audience a stylish and upbeat look into the lives of these young people ala MTV lite. The acting is the only saving grace during these gruelling minutes as the chemistry and interaction of the main characters is engaging and mostly authentic. Then we are exposed to the central plot which has all the impact of a feather falling on a bed of snow. This is where I though the film would move into an absolute epic fail. Although it is becoming increasing more difficult to surprise me, this flick does just that. Just as, the parents, one portrayed by Schnieder, seem utterly underwhelming by this massive revelation, actress Rachel Hendrix rises to the occasion and shifts the momentum of the picture pulling it back from the edge of disappointment. Even the love story subplot begins to move from insomnia cure to endearing, another pleasant surprise. Hendrix powers the film as if she is reborn, connecting deeply with the audience. Her presence brings us into a deeply moving and tragic story, and as it progresses, is further energized by Guy and Rigby who deliver painfully moving performances. Then Schneider wakes from his slumber, moving from bunting through to hitting away.  He breathes healthy life back into his character in the 7th inning and hits the game winning run by the 9th. The film crests with an amazing conclusion that ties everyting together with an undeniable message of grace, divine comfort, and redemption. Add in a heart wrenching testimony by Rigby during the end credits and the film reaches a credibility and spirit that few that have come before have ever accomplished. 3 out of 5 Kernels: any story that speaks so powerfully to the value of life in this cynical world deserves serious kudos in my book.

One Minute Movie Review: Footloose (2011)

If the goal of Craig Brewer, was to make us all appreciate the original Bacon/Lithgow production, mission accomplished.  However, I don't believe the director of such blockbuster hits as Hustle and Flow and Black Snake Moan, note the sarcasm there, had that in mind. This is possibly the worst reboot, remake, or whatever you wish to classify it as, that I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through. It was so amateurish it was almost blasphemy to the classic which may have seemed corny in the 80's but looks like a masterpiece compared to this disaster. Bacon brought Ren MacCormick to life with his own brand of James Dean light while Lithgow's famous, or infamous, preacher character has yet to be bested on the silver screen. Who can forget his “Rock and Roll sermon,” or Bacon’s town hall dissertation on dance?  Don’t look for those never forget moments to reappear in the remake; they were either removed or watered down so badly they nearly drowned.  The remaining cast of the 80's over the top guilty pleasure created an extraordinary ensemble that you connected with, rooted for, and related to.  In this MTV epic fail, the characters are stale, hollow, and mere shadows of their predecessors mechanically spewing lines from the original with all the passion and energy of an Al Gore symposium on global warming. Actors and I use the term loosely, Wormald, Hough, and the remaining modern cast give less than High School play performances that border between absurdity and boredom. Even the Willard character, who in the original was a stocky Quaid brother, is replaced by, what can only be described as the red neck Skreech. Dennis Quaid fully drains the pastor character of any vigor and interest worst than a B List Twilight vampire on a prom date. McDowell phones in her mom performance like she owns stock in AT&T. Gone is the family element and conflict in the first film traded in for an entirely lackluster subplot that seems to be awkwardly inserted as a space filler rather than a story driver. Even the relationship between the current versions of Ren and Ariel is rushed and so uninteresting that the film becomes a series of second hand Step It Up Dance Moves and tired attempts to "refresh" the dialogue from the original than a story of teen angst and overbearing ideologies.   If I am giving the first flick to much credit, you have to give me a pass; it deserves a Mulligan after the insult delivered by this abomination.  There is no emotion, no drama, no humanity, as if the cast is reading stereo instructions rather than genuinely trying to capture the essence of the story and players. It went from a story of finding balance and fitting in, to a cheap shot at religion and small towns.  I couldn't wait for it to end so I could re watch the first version and cleanse the distaste from my visual palette. 0 out of 5 Kernels; this Footloose stepped in something and it stunk throughout the whole film.

One Minute Movie Review: Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted

Very rarely does a sequel do its predecessor justice, let alone a third installment. Most of the time you are barraged by a lot of hype but remarkably little is delivered. This is one of the unique exceptions to the rule providing the quirkiest, funniest, and most elaborate of the three.  It is without a doubt, both an exciting and enjoyable conclusion to one of the most entertaining in the league of children's CGI features. Stiller is one of the most overrated so called comedians of our time, beating out Sandler, Hill, Black, and Galifianakis. He has made epic fail after epic fail and has earned a hefty paycheck in the process. As a long forgotten funny Russian once said, "Only in America, what a country." With that said, his only triumph has been voicing the animated Alex the Lion. The remaining cast Rock, Schwimmer, Smith, and Cohen turn in their best performances of the franchise creating a fun and engaging adventure that takes humor, slapstick, and neon to a whole new level. Add in a great moral about never giving up and where home truly is, and you have a definitive entry into the top ten of animated flicks. 3 out of 5 Kernels; I just hope I can get that ridiculous Afro Circus song out of my head.

One Minute Movie Review: Chimpanzee

Tim Allen is one of my favorite comedians and, of course, the quintessential movie Santa of all time, as a narrator, not so much. Although this film hearkens to the classic documentaries of the Disney TV of old, Allen's voice over sounds clunky and misplaced, rather than cohesive and entertaining. With that said, the film is breathtaking in scope, as the Mighty Mouse has taken the documentary to new levels of completely stunning cinematography. The story is absolutely endearing and my family was completely engrossed, privileged to be invited into this rare glimpse of a miraculous adoption. If only as human families, we were so dedicated to our own children and loved ones. For me, it was an utter testimony to the perfect and marvelous hand of our Creator who designed a world that is filled with mind boggling wonders. For my children, a deep look into the inner workings of the natural world. A feat only achieved, to this degree, thanks to the dedication and risk of special individuals who still see the fascination and awe of this truly majestic planet. A great film to educate and entertain. 3 out of 5 Kernels; this movie will steal your heart, open your eyes, and electrify the imagination.