I
look forward to the day when the sappy and silly tween fantasy film series
adapted from the even sappier and sillier tween fantasy novel series becomes a
distant, barely recallable, cinematic memory. Whomever writes this dribble
should be forced to listen to hours of NPR radio while watching nonstop reruns
of Ally McBeal so they too can experience the eye and ear rape they commit when
their literary, and I use the term loosely, works become celluloid torture for
anyone who has already reached puberty. Stephenie Meyer is public enemy
number one as far as this is concerned. However, as most of these films fail
in every way, the Host has some mildly redeeming, and again I use the term
loosely, qualities. First, the concept, a rebooted for the maturity
challenged Invasion of the Body Snatcher's plot line would have actually played
fairly interestingly had it been explored and utilized in a serious, adult, horror/Sci-fi
take. Second, actress Saoirse Ronan, whose name sounds like a disease of
the liver, delivers a pretty authentic and engaging dual performance as both
the alien "host" and the human trapped inside, and that's about the
extent of the spoilers I will divulge. The majority of the remaining cast,
whom I will not identify, because most I have never heard of or particularly
care about, is about as entertaining and talented as a bowl of cold oatmeal.
Although there are a few headliners, they are unable to elevate the
overall ensemble of novices above a collectively stale and insipid performance.
That's it for the good. The rest is all rubbish. From a
ridiculous ideology that millions of aliens that invaded and committed genocide
of humanity are somehow redeemable because they are genuinely just friendly,
sparkly, yes, here she goes with the sparkles again, glowing snowflakes looking
for a place to chill. To special effects
that rival SYFY channel made for TV fare and ends with action sequences that
are about as exciting as watching cows graze. Director Andrew Niccol has
a string of non hits, so this meets all expectations based off of past
creations. 0 out of 5 Kernels: As stated before, Meyers loves to make her
characters sparkle, whether they are Vampires or E.T's, too bad her movies
never do.
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