First of all, I knew what I was going into with this film, and yet went anyway. What does that say about me? I will say that the concept was somewhat solid, and most of the effects were well constructed to at least provide some substantive reason for watching this now infamous comic reboot. With the previous incarnations being called too cheesy, director Josh Trank, of Chronicle fame, almost had no choice but to go "Snyder dark" in an attempt to create a grittier, more realistic, and unique take on this admittedly difficult Marvel franchise. The problem is that this iconic team up willingly lends itself to the genre that it belongs to; a campy idea teetering between nostalgic science fiction and an old school comic feel and tone. But, to Trank's credit, the idea of a younger, sleeker team, with a reinventing of certain key characters, was based on promising intention. Unfortunately, the road to cinematic hell is paved with such intentions. However, it is not those re-imaginings that are the issue but the totality of the story and the way in which it was executed that is. In whole this is a stale, uninteresting, and lazily put together production that drowns all of its pros in a fathomless sea of cons. All of the cool wonder and creativity of this comic book legacy is forgotten, and we are left with a 90-minute lackluster tale that relies too heavily on effects and far too little on an authentic evolution of story, and its denizens. I will even give Josh credit for updating how the group got their powers; it was risky but fresh and mildly ingenious. But it is another promising facet that is easily eclipsed by an inferior delivering of an already stagnant screenplay. I can utterly understand why no one involved will claim this definitive disaster. Fox, it's time to let this family go home, back to the Marvel mansion, where it belongs. 1 out of 5 Kernels; there is little, to nothing, that is fantastic about this film; it should have been re-titled the Frustrating Four.
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