One Minute Movie Review: Prometheus

When this project was announced, and Ridley Scott took the helm, I excited anticipated its release and relished in the cryptic trailers and intriguing viral campaign prior to its opening. After all, Scott is the man who truly broke the ceiling in crafting two of the greatest science fiction films of our time. The creepy, claustrophobic, and incredibly tense, Alien which successfully and imaginatively combined a terrifying monster movie with an engaging script riddled with heart pounding suspense and authentic characters. Next came the truly inspired Blade Runner, which successful mixed the unimaginable combination of film noir and a sleek, sophisticated, ingeniously futuristic tale of sentience and mortality. So with all this in mind, how could this possibly go wrong. Prometheus proves it can, and in every way imaginable. Through a convoluted plot that never connects together with itself or the audience.  It is filled with utterly uninteresting characters, and overall, lacks all the anxiety, depth, and excitement of its predecessor and the possibilities it possessed. Scott fumbles what could have been an extraordinary retelling or foretelling of his signature cinematic achievement. It appears too many episodes of Ancient Aliens and an overtly ambitious attempt to define life through extraterrestrial intervention may have taken its toll. Visually this cinematic misadventure is incredible, however, the dull acting, confusing script, and goofy action sequences eclipse even the most stunning cinematography. Some sequences are so cheesy and, "what were they thinking," that the film moves from peaking curiosity to curiously laughable. The one bright spot is Michael Fassbender, whose android creation plays like a living tribute to H.A.L unleashed, ominous, cold hearted, and yet somewhat charming. Still his unique portrayal does little to save this picture from self destruct. It certainly is two hours of my life I will never get back. 0 out of 5 Kernels; in space, no one can hear you scream, but I was surprised how many people you could hear snoring in the theater.