#JustaQuickiePlease: Kingsman Review

Another film touted as groundbreaking and edgy that ends up falling short in every way imaginable.  This British spy feature has a major identity crisis.  It appears it is unsure of whether it wants to be an attempt at a younger and sleeker take on the Bond mythos or a disappointingly unsuccessful Austin Powers reboot.   Ranging from senselessly brutal violence to outright silly stunts and effects, this picture can't seem to figure out who or what it is even up to its final credits.  With a ridiculously implausible plot, remarkably silly villain, and a script more concerned with fitting in F-Bombs than substantive dialogue, any of its bonuses, like its amazingly well choreographed action sequences, are swiftly and noticeably eclipsed.  Instead of truly recapturing the nostalgia of the espionage fare of old, the plot devolves into a warped pro climate flick that, of course, must include depicting Christians as racist, uneducated, backwoods hatemongers and Republicans as greedy psychopaths.  Hurrah for originality Mr. Vaughn, no one has tried that schtick before.   This director has brought us some remarkably original productions and refreshes like Kick-Ass and X-Men First Class.  But this comic book's cinematic incarnation should have stayed safe on its shelf.  The only commodity to this celluloid disaster is Firth's coy and cunningly cool gentleman's gentleman of a secret agent.  But that too is quickly spent by the utter nonsense that surrounds him.   0 out of 5 Kernels: this is a royal fail of a movie, and I should have realized that the moment I found out the emerging hero was named Eggsy!