#JustaQuickiePlease: Exists Review

Found footage films have been done to death, and its hard to find one with a fresh and unique take amidst the myriad of POV flops and fails.  So, when the progenitor of the genre, director Eduardo Sanchez, of Blair Witch infamy, released his latest vantage venue, I was intrigued to see if he could truly best his firstborn flick.  It took all of the five minutes of this hour and twenty-six long farce to realize that there is nothing new under the sun.  Sanchez moves from witches to Sasquatch in this tale of terror in which five obnoxious hipsters are hunted by what can only be equated as Harry, of Harry and The Henderson's, homicidal brother.  The ridiculously poor performances might be forgivable if not for the stale and utterly unscary story that drags, even through its attempts at tension and thrills.   As for the found footage aspect, it is done poorly and predictably, even inappropriately adding music emanating from nowhere, to further contradict its own concept.  Although I will admit, once the missing link of lore is unveiled, he is somewhat impressive, especially seeing how difficult it is to make Bigfoot frightening thanks in large part to his commercial sellout as a beef jerky pitchman...or pitchbeast...whatever.   The attempted moral to this tragic tale is admirable but the ending is as unrealistic as the acting and premise.  0 out of 5 Kernels:  If I were the Yeti, I would come out of hiding just to sue the studio for defamation of character.