#JustaQuickiePlease: Valerian Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Review

What if you took all of the wondrous imagery of a Luc Besson film; his inspired costuming, stunning characterizations, avant-garde effects, bordering on sheer artistry, and unorthodox humor and performances, and quickly and efficiently placed them into a more than two-hour snorefest that is nearly intolerable to sit through.   With mind-numbingly boring portrayals by a supposed A-List cast and story that drolls on and on when it could have been told rather expeditiously, with far more effect, this film falls epically short of the hype presented ad nauseam prior to its release.  I can only hope the French comic series this was based on contains a far better story than what was delivered to the silver screen.  Unlike Besson's Fifth Element, which bombed at the box office and then quickly became a cult classic and modern fantasy masterpiece, and deservedly so, this outing is best left forgotten among the Walmart and Best Buy discount bins.  0 out of 5 Kernels; the equivalent of painting a turd gold and pretending that it alters the fact, that it is in fact, anything more than, a pile of sh#$.