#JustaQuickiePlease: The Mummy (2017) Review

After watching some films, one sits back, as the credits roll, and simply asks the question why?  Why would someone think that was a good idea and actually spend millions of dollars in a seemingly absurd attempt to bring it to cinematic life?  This is a prime example of just that.  In addition, how many times has Cruise sold his soul to remain relevant, as any iota of talent seems to be determinedly void, ridiculously miscast in every single role of late?  This is, by far, hands down, one of the most pathetic and disastrous remakes of our time.  In one fell swoop, Kurtzman, manages to wholly destroy any credible as a director he had or has hopes to earn with a universal flop, pardon the pun, that turns an already tough to convince horror concept, especially among this current generation, into a literal caricature of itself, while at the same time, making the Fraser outing appear to be a cinematic masterpiece in comparison.  Boutella's undead diva is as ridiculous as they come, overselling every scene like a used car salesman trying to make up a deficit the last weekend of a slow month.  In addition, Wallis fulfills her role as the stereotypical female sidekick trying way too hard to not be the stereotypical female sidekick in a nearly glorious silliness.  I won't even begin to wonder how much this studio paid Crowe to play a Jekyll/Hyde incarnation that unintentionally and immediately parodies itself.  Okay, some of the effects are cool, as they would be in any recent Playstation or Xbox game, so nothing notable there.  With a goofy twist at the end that feels absolutely fitting, this is yet further proof as to why box offices numbers continue to drop and how truly disconnected Hollyweird executives are from reality.  0 out of 5 Kernels; some things should just most certainly stay dead and buried, Tom's career for starters.