One Minute Movie Review: The Muppets

As a child, I remember, around 8'oclock at night, we would turn the channel knob to CBS (I had to get up to change channels way back then).  I would sit anxiously in front of my gargantuan 13" color screen to watch Kermit, Ms. Piggy, Fozzie, and the like perform their crazy skits and songs featuring some celebrity of the time. It was my favorite show despite the fact that the jokes were stale slapstick run amok and as a whole, seemed more like a Jim Henson acid flashback than an actual show. But it was a cherished memory and every time I hear the song "The Rainbow Connection" I still tear up a bit, but that may be the least of my life's issues. So when I found out, they had made a new movie, I could not wait to expose my kids to the vaudeville style antics I enjoyed from my younger years. After seeing this film as an adult and looking back, I have realized, as a child I may have been a moron. Certainley, this couldn't be the Muppets I grew up with. This movie was so syrupy sweet it required FDA approval. The musical numbers were barely tolerable, and acting was dramatically, comedically numb. All the endearing qualities of the original series and first few movies were gone, left with a 103 minute toy commercial to further line Disney's already ultra green pockets (be still Al Gore green as in money). My kids were entertained for about 30 minutes, ironically the length of the original TV series, and then lost all interest. Same kids who thought The Pirates! Band of Misfits were awesome, go figure. Hollywood has the reverse Midas touch, turning everything of value that they touch to film feces. Sorry Kermit, it ain't easy being green, and this movie proved it. 1 out of 5 Kernels, the Mahna-Mahna song saved it from the big zero.