One Minute Movie Review: Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

Mix Land of the Lost with Jurassic Park, add in one giant brain fart, and you get this pungent insult to the genius of the Jules Verne classic. Brad Peyton, whose only other feature is the blockbuster Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, brings us a movie only Dwayne Johnson could headline. If you have not noticed the depth of my sarcasm, I can not help you any further. Johnson's stellar performance is climaxed by the demonstration of his uncanny ability to make his pecks dance in 3D. Pure theater at its finest. Adding insult to the mortal injury of this cinematic refuse is the appearance of Michael Cain who apparently is not receiving enough in social security so he must lower himself to a caricature of Alan Quartermane.  That is, if Quartermane had just escaped from a nursing home. The special effects match Honey: I Shrunk the Kids, and the acting is as high caliber as an afterschool special. This is an absolute mess of a film with the only redeeming quality being the credits. I found myself cheering as the island sank, hoping it would never emerge from its watery grave again. 0 out of 5 Kernels: Dumb and dumber meets the Lost World, I only wish it had stayed lost.