One Minute Movie Review: 21 Jump Street

There are so many things wrong with this movie I have no idea where to start. Wait, here is one, why would they even think about making a movie about one of the lamest and ridiculously unrealistic televsion series of the decadent decade that we call the 80's. Here is another, the directors of this disaster's only other credit are the film adaptation of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, so Kudos to the powers that be for a really brilliant idea as a transitional film for them. Hill is as unfunny as they come, replacing quick and witty humor, with pre teen antics, overt profanity, ineffectual timing, and jokes and gags so juvenile they border on the absurd. Tatum has all the acting prowess of a snail on Prozac. The remaining cast is untalented goofs who limp through this travesty and only add to the many reasons I should have switched over to Judge Judy reruns. The most horrific aspect was the brief but powerfully ludicrous surprise guest spot of Johnny Depp, who apparently has been unable to make anything of value since he retired Jack Sparrow. What is the world coming too?  Add in to all of this,  tribute action sequences to television's infamous Cannell creations of the mid 80's early 90's that fall utterly flat. All that was missing was a black van with a red stripe and a secret agent building a jet fighter from a stick of bubble gum old deoderant can, and a bit of shoe lace. How will I ever get that hour and forty minutes back? 0 out of 5 Kernels: it made me want to jump alright, right onto a busy street in front of oncoming traffic.