Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Gotham Grade: B

At this point, we are literally trying to out Burton, Burton...

Oh, and spoilers...

1) Dime to dollars...

Ivy snuck some catnip in there...

Somewhere...

2) Jim's got...

Two phones...

One for the court...

And, one for the Penguin...

C'mon...

You know you sang it in your head...

3) Super secret society does not invest in security cameras for their meeting areas or homes...

4) Firefly really lit him up...

Ha...

I miss Jerome...

5) The Court of Owls is single handily keeping Party City's Mardi Gras section relevant...

6) That Bruce training sequence...

Batbumps...

Total, batbumps...

7) Please, Jim...

For the love of Gotham...

Stop, trying to prevent Lee from leaving...

8) Can we just call him Bane...

Because we all know he is Bane...

9) I just have one question...

When does he get the car...

10) Here we are...

Face to face...

A couple of Gotham loons...

We are two of kind...

Looking to commit crime...

He was once my bro...

Now, he's my foe...

Together...

We really rule this show...

Together...

Even Jim Gordon knows...

By the way...

If you got that reference...

You are awesome...

#Fox #Gotham #BatmanBegins #Riddler #Penguin #CourtofOwls

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D Grade: B-

GHOSTRIDER

IS

BACK!!!!!!!

Oh, and spoilers...

Wait...

That was a spoiler...

Shoot...

Moving on...

1) Excessive cloning of bad guy is excessive...

2) Marvel's Matrix quickly became S.H.I.E.L.D's The Hunt for Red October or Disney's Deepwater Horizon...

3) Why didn't Phil just use his shield to wipe them all out...

Is his arm powered by Plot Device...

4) Didn't they already do a thing called My Super Ex-Girlfriend...

5) Well...

Aida gave a whole new meaning to "banging him"...

Didn't she...

6) So...

Basically, Aida IS the X-men at this point...

Sorry, X-Women...

TRIGGERED...

7) Well, Fitz...

That escalated quickly...

They do say...

Once you go geek...

Her psycho behavior will peak...

Don't they...

8) Ultron called...

He wants his storyline back...

9) Sheesh...

May really laid the hammer down...

Get it...

Get it...

Whatever...

Moving on...

10) They were drowning in water...

And, sexual tension...

#ABC #Marvel #Agents #AgentsofShield #Shield #Aida #Framework #Ghostrider

Arrow Grade: F (for FAILED this series)

You know it's getting bad when you start missing the dirtbikes...

Oh, and spoilers...

1) Oh my God...

Adrian tried to drown Diggle and Oliver in Nestle Quik...

2) While we are at it...

So, for that trap to have worked...

Dig and Ollie would have stopped in that exact space for no apparent reason...

And, somehow, Adrian had a premonition that they would stop in that exact space for no reason...

Resolution: Adrian is, in fact, a really pissed off Professor X who fixed his spine with Felicity's tech and had a really successful Rogaine experience...

Like, really successful...

3) We just discovered Oliver's father was a bad guy...

The first few episodes of Season One...

4) He hadn't worn the suit in so long...

The hood shrunk...

5) All we would have to do is use T-Sphere's and Dinah's Canary Cry and we would actually SAVE Central City...

6) How in the HELL did they get a crate, that large and filled with concrete, into Oliver's office...

Oh, that's right...

They used that new shipping service...

P.D.E...

Plot Device Express...

They deliver anywhere...

But their best customers are on the CW...

7) Secret death video quality is like 4K...

And...

That was the clearest security camera footage in the history of security camera footage...

8) Speedy's back...

And...

9) So, we are all just supposed to believe Mr. Terrific was able to disarm that biological weapon with that much ease...

Is that what we are supposed to do...

Really...

REALLY...

10) Oh my God, Ollie's dad just drowned that guy in a vat of Nestle Quik...

No wonder Queen Consolidate's logo was a bunny sipping milk through a straw...

Right...

#CW #Arrow #FaileditsFans #Dirtbikes

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Flash Grade: C

Flash Grade: C

A forgettable filler episode...

In more ways than one...

Oh, and spoilers...

1) This episode brought to you through the combined efforts of the writers of all the 90's TGIF sitcoms...

2) So, if we help Caitlin...

Iris dies...

If we don't help Caitlin...

Iris lives...

Flash still has his powers...

Wally is still annoying...

Yeah, left me scratching my head too...

3) So...

Killer Frost is innately evil because...

No really...

Why is she evil...

Because she has cold and ice elemental like powers...

Well...

Iceman isn't evil...

Frozone isn't evil...

Frosty the snowman isn't evil...

Elsa isn't evil...

But...

Mr. Freeze and Captain Cold are...

Yeah, they were evil, to begin with...

Why am I having this argument with myself...

Let's move on, shall we...

4) We could have distracted Caitlin, found Savitar, taken him out, and then brought Barry's memory back...

But then the plot device gods would have been very angry...

5) That poor Potter dude can't catch a break...

6) You realize everyone died in the fire by the time Barry and Wally got to them...

Right...

7) While we are at it...

Can you imagine the conversation the security guards had when dime store Heatwave entered the building...

Hey, who's that guy with the flamethrower on his back...

Must be from Dominoes...

What...

Dude, it's fine...

He's wearing a FLAMETHROWER...

Shut up, I'm watching my stories...

8) The only authentic element of this episode was the courtroom scene...

Psychopathic pyromaniac guy is found innocent...

Despite overwhelming evidence...

Because of an idiotic judge...

9) Wait...

Was amnesia Barry...

A better lover than regular Barry....

10) If he had amnesia...

How did he remember how to put on the suit so fast...

#CW #Flash #Savitar

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Gotham Grade: A+

The greatest riddle is why anyone would not watch this show...

Total Batgasm...

The homages to the classics were epic this week....

Oh, and spoilers...

#Gotham #Fox #BatmanBegins #CatwomanLives

1) Was waiting for the Penguin to shout out to Ivy...

North, Ms. Teschmacher...

North...

2) That Selina scene...

HOLY MICHELLE PFIEFFER, TIM BURTON...

3) Okay...

The Riddler is my new favorite villain of all time...

4) Lee has officially become the Laurel and Maggie of this show...

5) Having Fries on your side is a cold comfort....

Ha...

Get it...

Get it...

Oh, nevermind...

Moving on...

6) The facepalm will never be the same...

7) Jim cares for Barbara...

Even if some days it seems he Harley knows her...

Huh...

Huh...

Damn...

Tough feed...

8) Hey, look...

Butch is still relevant...

9) It was all so cool...

Until he put on that dumb owl mask...

Then it was all like...

Mardi Gras Diggle...

10) Oh...

It's so sad...

Bitch Bruce is dying...


Supergirl Grade: F

The Village of the Darned...

Oh, and spoilers...

Or, what I call giving you back the 45  minutes of time that would have been wasted watching this idiotic show...

You're welcome...

#CW #Supergirl #DCWTF

1) Worst fight scene ever...

And, Legends and Arrow are part of the CW...

So, that's an accomplishment...

Not one that you would want to brag about, though...

2) While we are at it...

How exactly does Guardian know when and where crimes are going to happen...

Before they happen...

3) News report on renegade alien shows camera angles where and when there were no cameras present...

4) No...

NO...

This show is NOT allowed to make a Batman reference in any circumstance...

NEVER...

5) WWLD...

What Would Lex Do...

6) Okay...

Can someone just get Mon-El a vagina and be done with it...

TRIGGERED...

7) Noticeable wire rig harness on the alien child is noticeable...

8)  How exactly again...

How did the Catco building not collapse based on the damage we all saw...

Oh, that's right...

It was built with plot device...

That stuff is indestructible...

9) What is it with family references instantaneously changing people minds in the DC Universe...

10) Did they just literally steal the Stargate...

Aqua Teen Hunger Force kinda beat them to the punch on that one...


Sunday, May 7, 2017

#JustaQuickiePlease: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Review

Rarely does a sequel better its predecessor.  Even more uncommon, does a film follow-up match the quality of its forerunner.  But to have a second surpass its first; well that is the cinematic equivalent of a needle in a haystack.  James Gunn apparently never got that memo, as he has accomplished the seemingly impossible in crafting a movie that not only surpasses the original but is, without a doubt, the best Marvel movie to date.   Saturated with well timed and superiorly delivered humor mixed effortlessly with moments of sincerity that tugs at even the tightest of heart strings, Gunn creates a picture that reminds us of everything we used to love about going to the theater and the wondrous escape it provided.  Pratt, Saldana, Bautista, Cooper, Rooker, and Gillian all return in all of their illustrious, tongue in cheek, bigger than life glory with Russell and Klementieff effectively added to the ranks, rounding off this perfect ensemble.   However, it is Baby Groot (voiced by Vin Diesel) that steals every scene and provides one of the single, greatest openings in movie history.  With stunning effects that shock and awe from moment one and a story that has as much depth as it does thrills and levity, Volume 2 isn't just a film, it's a visual amusement park.  If that was not enough, Gunn tops it all off with a soundtrack that literally defines awesomeness.   Spoiler alert, I'll never think of Mary Poppins or David Hasselhoff the same way again.  5 out of 5 Kernels: for all it embodies, this is, without hesitation, the Star Wars for the next generation.