Tuesday, July 16, 2013

One Minute Movie Review: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Tommy Workola, the director of such non blockbusters as Kill Buljo and Dead Snow, and if you haven't heard of either of those films you are in excellent company, brings us his re-envisioning of the classic Brothers Grimm German fairy-tale.   That reboot includes one of the most poorly written scripts, requiring excessive profanity just to keep it interesting, mechanized acting, and some of the silliest special effects since the SYFY channel used balloons filled with paint, in their made for TV masterpieces, note the sarcasm, in order to portray exploding heads, and yes you read that correctly.     Although the premise is somewhat unique and intriguing, Workola does little to keep it engaging or entertaining and based of his earlier cinematic incarnations there is little guesswork as to why.  It is astounding who Hollywood bank rolls now a days.   Jeremy Renner needs to seriously reconsider his agent's sanity as he continues to take horrifically bad role after role ever since his brief stint as the famed Avenger's archer and Gemma Arterton has all the charisma and talent of day old bread.  The remaining cast is as effective in this celluloid train wreck.   The special effects, as mentioned earlier, are goofy, not on purpose, which is probably the saddest part of this disaster as I am sure they were designed to carry the picture. This was a nifty idea, given to the wrong person, a fate that befalls much of the trash, that may have once been treasure, filling the screens of most movie houses.    0 out of 5 Kernels: With the lack of originality in Hollywood, I am almost certain we will see a Lucky Charms or Cinnamon Toast Crunch movie in the very near future.  

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