Tuesday, January 10, 2017

#JustaQuickiePlease: Underworld: Blood Wars Review

We have officially come full circle in a franchise that has lived way too long past its prime.  What was once a sleek, edgy, and unique take on the vampire mythos has now become nothing more than an excuse to drain the proverbial well.  Beckinsale returns as the iconic Death Dealer, with an S&M fashion sense, but this time to protect the world against, prepare for the huge surprise, a Lycan leader hell bent on destroying what is left of the covens.   However, instead of attempting an iota of something new or original, this flick tries to poorly create a Lord of the Ring style saga or should I say outright steal it.  How you ask?  Let's sum up the last half of this movie, shall we.  A Gandolf styled female vampire, assists an Aragorn-like male vampire, with an ancient sword of the elders in a battle in a white tower.   Any questions?  Add to that, some of the worst GCI to come down the pike since Legends of Tommorrow hit the CW airwaves, and you have an epic disaster that is weak on story, sadly repetitive, overtly predictable, and tragically reliant on action sequences riddled with poorly produced slow motion effects.   Not to mention, editing that is so abrupt it nearly causes motion sickness.  But thank God, we have a lead female villain who spends most of the film accentuating her exposed cleavage because we wouldn't want to miss any stereotypes since it is obvious the director was going for the brass ring of cliched writing.  1 out of 5 Kernels; this film sucked in all the wrong ways.

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