DC's Legends of Tomorrow Grade: Dwarf Star Level F

DC's Legends of Tomorrow Grade: Dwarf Star Level F

Why...am I still watching this trainwreck...

1. A show about history that does nothing to demonstrate or maintain any historical accuracy...

Also, I know it's called Science Fiction...but there is the actual word Science in there somewhere...

2. Dime store Colossus is now fast enough to stop bullets and strong enough to stop a speed train...

Why...what the frak do we care...we should have been canceled a season and a half ago...

3. Let's ruin Jonah Hex in a way that Josh Brolin could never have imagined...

4. They name drop the Flash like a drunken paparazzi name drops any given member of the Kardashian Clan...

And, with the same effectiveness...

5. Let's see how many corny stereotypical western catch phrases we can fit into one episode...

6. Mick wants to watch the world burn...

How about we start with this show...

7. We now know why Rip Hunter is M.I.A...

He got access to the scripts for the entire season...

Now, he is the only one attempting to avoid career suicide...

8. Let's make a super suit for a guy who can transform into a man made out of impenetrable steel...

In addition, let's get the guy who fraked up his own suit to do it...

Makes as much sense as everything else on this show...

9. We found enough Dwarf Star Alloy to make Ray's character necessary and interesting again..,

Sorry...there ain't enough Dwarf Star Alloy in the entire multiverse..,

10. The perfect end to this show...

The Daleks show up to kill the team and then decide to let them live...

Cause, they're continued existence is a far worse fate than death...

Especially, for the audience...

#DCWTF #DCLegends #LegendsofTomorrow #WCCB #CW

Arrow Grade: C-

Arrow Grade: C-

One of the best episodes of the season...

But, really...is that saying much?

1. Roll call, Team Snowflake...

Low Rent Katniss Everdeen...here
Manic Depressive Casey Jones...here
Guy Who Just Gets Beat Up All The Time...here
Only Interesting Team Member...here

2. This episode brought to you by the letters...A...A...

3. Two words...The...Vigilante....

9 more...Why...can't...we...have...a...show...just...about...him...

4. Well, we know one thing...

Diggle is ripped...

5. Okay, let's date the antagonistic reporter...cause, that will totally work out...right...right...

6. Artemis is working for Prometheus...

Add that to the great big pile of stuff I just don't give a shite about...

7. There is no whine in Team...

8. Kevlar Arrow...Parachute Arrow...

But the Boxing Glove Arrow is just too corny, right...

9. Apparently, the only people who can't find the Arrow Cave, or the Quiver, or whatever the hell its's called now are...U.S. Marshalls...

They finally did install a new security system...it's called plot device...

10. The Vigilante has pinpoint aim...until the story calls for him to shoot as sloppy as a wayward lawn sprinkler...

#Thisshowhasfaileditsfans #DCHatesTheirFans #Arrow #WCCB #CW

HARLEen QUINzel 11/17/2016 Update!

We are into week one of our IndieGoGo campaign for our feature length fan film HARLEen QUINzel and have already garnered 2% of our goal!  There is still a LONG way to go...so we need your support.

Here is our first cast interview, with yours truly, to explain more about this ambitious project which will tell Harley's full origin story with a horror twist.

Don't forget to visit, LIKE, and SHARE the movie's official Facebook page...

HARLEen QUINzel Official Movie Facebook Page

If we get 1000 LIKES by January 1st, 2017...we will be randomly selecting a winner for a set of autographed cast prints and A SHOUT OUT IN THE CREDITS of the film.

Our IndieGoGo campaign page is...

HARLEen QUINzel IndieGoGo Campaign

Please PLEDGE and SHARE today!!!

Thank you for your support!

#JustaQuickiePlease: Nerve Review

This film took two directors to craft, which was two too many.  If you are a self-absorbed, entitled, social media obsessed teenager, this may be worth the 96 minutes.  If not, this is an excruciating hour and a half of everything that is wrong with modern culture addicted to the inane offerings of the internet and all the sites and outlets it encompasses.  Poorly acted and written, gratuitously flashy, I equivocate it to the cinematic version of jiggling shiny keys in front of an audience with the attention span of a moth on meth.  The only thing it does right, is it shines a light on how desensitized, selfish, and utterly uncaring this most recent generation has become, willing to watch friends and strangers risk life, limb, and integrity for their own morbid entertainment; think Mean Girls and Clueless meets The Running Man.  The story is so assinine and predictable that by movie's end you just don't care about the haphazard, unrealistic conclusion they attempt to push and preach.  Teen angst is a popular subject, although its hard to find any genuine and deserved ire among youth handed everything they could ever wish for from tech to music, to fashion.  Gone are the days of the Breakfast Club, Less than Zero, Pretty in Pink and their ilk, replaced by stories and characters as shallow as the civilization they represent.  0 out of Kernels; In this alleged high-stakes game of truth or dare, I'd choose good ole Monopoly or Clue any day.

#JustaQuickiePlease: The Monster (2016) Review

Indie horror films can be hit or miss, but more so than not, the intimacy, thorough storytelling, and carefully crafted characters make them worth the time and emotional investment.  Bryan Bertino's The Monster is no exception and, in my mind, sets a new standard in its genre.  Instead of relying on jump scares and gratuitous gore, the focus is on the tragic tale of a mother and daughter, told through gritty, authentic, and heartbreaking flashbacks.  It is a horror movie that transcends its peers, frightening audiences by having them face the terror of personal demons, which are far more fearsome than even the stunningly fashioned abomination that hunts this minimal cast.  Using inspired cinematography, a chilling soundtrack, and superior performances, The Monster, doesn't just scare us, it makes us feel; connecting with the characters on an exclusive level no matter the extent of their screen time.  With genuine dialogue and interactions, you experience every word as if spoken directly to you.  The only minus, a bit too much unnecessary profanity in an otherwise stellar script. This is what modern filmmaking was meant to be; effects eclipsed by a simple, well-told story.  4 out of 5 Kernels: Unpredictable to the very last second, this is a journey into what truly haunts who we are and the monsters that exist from within and without.

Flash Grade: B

Flash Grade: B

Speedster sized spoilers...

1. If whining was a super power...Wally West would be the most powerful being in the universe...

2. Wells finally got some face time...

Ha...

3. Vibe vs. Frost...did anyone else have a simultaneous geekgasm...

4. Then Megatro.,.I mean Savitar showed up...

5. And while we are on topic...I thought the God of Speed was Walter White...

6. Is Dr. Alchemy the bad guy...or is he building an army against Savitar...

This is Fox news...we report...you decide...

7. Hands up if you believe Julian is Alchemy...

8. Iris may not be a Meta...but she has one hell of a right hook...

Admit it, we all lived a little vicariously through her when she punched Wally...

9. Okay, CW...intros now comprise 1/4th of each show's runtime...time to back it down a bit...

10. Hey, Joe, that was a cock block that literally stretched across 19 Earths...

#Flashpoint #TheFlash #Flash #WCCB #CW #Crossoverisnextweek

Gotham Grade: B+

Gotham Grade: B+

To not watch this show is the real spoiler...

1. Straight-laced Jim Gordon is almost as interesting as normal laced Lee Thompkins...

And, if you haven't read any of my earlier grading posts you will miss the intensive sarcasm of that statement...

2. Nygma is literally more effective, on his own than the entire GCPD...

Tell me again, how Batman is the world's greatest detective...

3. That Penguin painting suddenly gave me a Pretty in Pink Deja Vu moment...

If you got that reference...you aren't awesome, you're epic...

4. And, the award for the Most Awkward Way to Hold a Shotgun goes to...

Captain Barnes...

5. Did Isabella get out of the car and physically fight the train...

Cause, that's what it looks like...

6. Barnes, who can rip the heads of off people and push victims through solid concrete walls...with ease, mind you...has issues fighting Jim one on one...

He must be suffering from that whole Oliver Queen syndrome...

7. Bruce got caught checking out the Ivy...

8. Crossbows...because actual guns are just so darned inconvenient and ineffective...

9. Selina is being all catty about her relationship with Bruce...

Sorry, just couldn't resist...

10. Let's all go back to the Wayne Manner for protection...

Because that has never worked out before...

But, what...Bruce is a betting man...

#Gotham #FOX #ThisShowRocks #BringBackJerome