Saturday, June 9, 2012

One Minute Movie Review: Haywire

As they say, "Everybody gets one, " and this is it that one for Steven Soderbergh, making no mistake it is not meant in a positive light. I have had bowel movements that are more compelling and have taken less time than this atrocity. The renowned Oscar winning director had an off day when he turned out this mistake, which starts slowly, remained slow, and felt more like it should be a prescription for insomnia than an action flick. This is Gina Carano's, the Elite EX fighter, second film, and if you said who, you would be in the mainstream and among good company. Her fighting skills are spectacular her acting is a spectacle. Not even a ridiculously over reaching cast of heavy hitters, of the thespian sort, Micheal Fassbender, Ewan McGregor, Bill Paxton, Channing Tatun, Antonio Banderas, and Michael Douglas can save this film from looking, sounding, and feeling uninteresting, unengaging, and thoroughly unentertaining. The acting for all reached new lows of mediocrity and contained about as much character chemistry as stagnate water. The action sequences are well choreographed, and that would be a plus if the film lasted about twenty nine minutes. In between Carano's beat downs are acres and acres of a lame, unimaginative, and predictable story. I felt envious for anyone attending a time share seminar. 0 out of 5 Kernels: the only thing Haywire about this disaster is the creative process used to bring it to the silver screen.

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