Tuesday, May 22, 2012

One Minute Movie Review: Underworld: Awakening

Gone is the sleek gothic sophistication, engaging storyline, edgy characters, and Matrix like action of the original two movies, replaced by a boring and unimaginative clone of Resident Evil replacing one undead nemesis with another, more furry, one. Two relatively unknown directors, Mans Marlind and Bjorn Stein, take one of the best vampire franchises of the new millennium and transform it into such a lame and cartoonish product that it lends Twilight street cred among bloodsuckers in comparison. This may explain the reason why they are relatively unknown. Kate Beckinsale returns as the Verizon version of Selene based on the way she phoned in her performance. Even the focal point of the story, which should have been both a dramatic and cool twist on the series, flatly falls. This future tale ignores the creative prowess of the past, abandoning all that was truly slick and stylish of the trilogy. Not since the afore mentioned Twilight, have I been so bored watching a werewolf vs fang face sparing. Enjoy the first two, maybe three, and pull a Bobby Ewing shower scene with the latest installment, pretend this film never happened. 0 out of 5 Kernels, this lycan won't hunt, and vamp don't bite.

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