One Minute Movie Review: White House Down

Roland Emmerich, director of such Blockbusters as ID4, The Patriot, and Stargate brings us this liberally lopsided action adventure about an improbable, to the point of downright silliness, attack on the white house and the characters who are caught in the crossfire.   Both this film and its doppelganger, Olympus Has Fallen, failed miserably at the box office, maybe because in this post 911 world, audiences just don't find violent terrorist attacks on our nation's capitol all that entertaining, but mostly because they are so unbelievable in their storytelling and poorly acted.   We don't mind aliens from space decimating every monument and city on the planet with maximum carnage, that's fantasy, but a group of human psychopaths killing countless innocents and destroying our national symbols of strength and society must hit a little too close to home.   But unlike Olympus, Emmerich fills his cinematic train wreck with so much liberal ideology, swipes at the right, and ridiculous logic that it eclipses all the action and any redeeming qualities, which are minimal in totality.  The story is unbelievable, even further damaged by the performances of the entire ensemble, none more than its two leading men.  Why Tatum is still allowed to act in anything should be a federal offense in and of itself and Fox's performance is simply two dimensional and stale.  The remaining cast plays their parts so over the top that they become comical in a very accidental way.    The action is impressive, although it is so far fetched it ends up looking like an unconscious parody of itself.  There are brief moments of humor and connection between Channing and Jamie, but they are too few and move by too fast.  This was yet another attempt at creating Die Hard in DC that was an epic fail in scope and dollars.    0 out of 5 Kernels; the only thing terrorized by this movie is the folks who either paid to see it in the theater, or took the time to suffer through it via Netflix.  

One Minute Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Whenever a cinematic trilogy is attempted, it is always the middle of the three that is the most difficult to create.  It must act as a cliffhanger, bring depth to the characters and story all while successfully "setting up" the finale to effectively evolve the concept and deliver the utmost in satisfaction and closure to the fan base.   There are very few success stories and a plethora of celluloid disasters.   Now with the advent of stretching novel series into multiple pictures, the challenge is even greater, and the chance of failure is more significant, especially when it is an effort to turn a single literary work into three cohesive and coherent flicks.  Peter Jackson, mastered the art of the trilogy with his brilliant work with the Lord of the Rings series, but, again, that was three books, as opposed to one, using the appendices to flesh out the story and players in a way that was engaging and thoroughly entertaining.  Here Jackson is presented with the daunting trial of duplicating that achievement with only the material from a single work, his elaborate imagination, and dogmatic love for Tolkien's best seller.   In other words, it requires more filler than a truck load of Chicken McNuggets.   The pros of the film are quick to identify, sweeping cinematography, jaw dropping scope, thanks to some of the most magnificent CGI work, likable characters, solid performances, and amazingly choreographed battle sequences.   He is also successful in weaving in the mythology of his prior trilogy adding some sleek twists and plot devices that fit perfectly.  He achieves bringing depth to the story and fleshing out the cast, but that is where the positives end.  The problem, there is so much filler in this go round that the story drags, ala Soap Opera style, and ends up diluting the final product.   It simply feels like a commercial attempt at keeping the franchise alive, rather than a true bridge between films.  Add into that an ending that is lackluster and almost lazy, and you end up disappointed rather than entertained.    It diminishes everything that is right about the picture and leaves you feeling like you just got taken in a proverbial sidewalk shell game.   This story could have been told in two movies, but it is evident that would not have provided a big enough paid day.  What a painful statement to make about one of my favorite directors.  I have to give the points where they are due, but I am almost hesitant to do so.  3 out of 5 Kernels: apparently Smaug is not the only entity here obsessed with how much treasure he could accumulate, Jackson wasn't satisfied with his pile either.  

One Minute Movie Review: Frozen

When I initially saw the myriad of trailers for the Mightiest of Mouses' latest venture all I could think of was Rapunzel meets Frosty the Snowman.  Instead, writers and directors, Chris Buck (Tarzan) and Jennifer Lee (Wreck it Ralph) bring us an unique and inventive reboot of the 1845 Hans Christian Anderson classic fairy tale, The Snow Queen.  But Buck and Lee don't simply retell the tale, they create an imaginative and wondrous new story with exciting and endearing characters possessing upbeat and fast paced dialogue and humor.  Add into that, an amazing score that is elegantly performed by leading ladies Bell and Menzel and breathtaking animation and you have one of Disney's finest productions.   Hats off to lesser known Jonathan Groff, Josh Gad, and Santino Fontana for rounding out a superb cast bringing their respective characters to magnificent life.  Escaping the whole damsel or princess in distress routine, the creative team opt for a tale of self-reliance and selflessness, replacing their standard, overdone formulaic storytelling, for an unpredictable, refreshing, and thoroughly enjoyable movie appealing to both young and old.   I thought Brave broke through the tried and true Disney product like one of Merida's well placed arrows, however, it is Frozen that takes it to the next level with an even more musically epic scale.  4 out of 5 Kernels: a simply extraordinary production that warms the heart while spinning a very cool yarn.

One Minute Movie Review; Monsters University

In all truthfulness, I really did not want to see this film, as I thought the first was so creative unique, endearing, and entertaining that I believed there was no way that a sequel could do it justice.  I mean, how could any successor top the cute to near nauseating relationship between Boo and Sully and the kid friendly twist, at the end, teaching children to transform their fears into laughs.   So, I had no desire to ruin the enjoyment and impressiveness of the first with a substandard second act.  But my children begged, and like all dad's who stick dogmatically to their principles and are tested by the infamous, "please daddy, please," look, I caved.   I am ecstatic to report that I was not only pleasantly surprised, but concede that this movie is as good as the first, though different, it is as well constructed, told, and acted as its predecessor.  Dan Scanlon trades his writing hat for his first directorial cap and makes the transition with tremendous success.   Goodman and Crystal return with some old favorites and new friends taking us back to the beginning, where we get to see how Mike and Sully met and became friends.   While Goodman was the absolute star of the first, this time around, it is Crystal's performance that shines above all else, as the tale of Mike's fearlessness and unrelenting spirit is tested, challenged, and tried, with an authenticity and sincerity that everyone, young and old, can relate to.  The laughs are not outrageous, but they move the story along fluidly.   The animation is, again, amazing, and the plot, though somewhat predictable, provides a few, simple but slick, twists and turns.    You'll miss Boo, but the story will keep you engaged and entertained in a new and exciting way.  4 out of 5 Kernels; very few sequels have merit, especially animated ones, so monster sized kudos to Scanlon and company.

One Minute Movie Review: The Heat

Director Paul Fieg of Bridesmaids, brings us a laugh out loud flick that combines Bullock's infamous straight gal routine with McCarthy's irreverent, obscene, and always well timed comedic presence.    Bullock has done the reluctant and misguided FBI schtick to death (Miss Congeniality), but thanks mostly to McCarthy's quick wit and Feig's fast and furious dialog, her performance is enhanced to become quite endearing and actually funny.    The script is fluid and relentless, filled with biting humor and banter that doesn't take a break.  The story is somewhat goofy and predictable but the chemistry between the two stars most definitely makes up for it.  However, the overuse of the F Bomb, manipulated in every form possible, distracts from an otherwise dynamic script and seems ultra lazy, pandering to the lowest level of guttural humor rather than simply allowing this dynamic duo to improv and aim for creative laughs instead of juvenile, bathroom giggles. The action is all right, a bit basic and unrealistic, but gets the job done.  3 out of 5 Kernels: the two stars bring the heat, but the excessive profanity cools down an otherwise very funny flick.  

One Minute Movie Review: The Croods

Most would agree, of late, Nick Cage and Ryan Reynolds, on their own, nearly guarantee any production they are a part of will face a grim fate, put them together and you have the quintessential kiss of death.    Yet directors Kirk De Micco and Chris Sanders, of Space Chimps non fame, decided to tempt that fate and venture out against all common sense and historical fact to feature this less than dynamic duo in their second big screen CGI adventure.   Prepare for cats to lay down with dogs, airborne swine, and the zombie apocalypse, because they actually created one of the best animated fare of the collective genre.   Beautiful animation and brilliant cinematography only add to this well written and acted family tale that hits every mark in humor and heart.   Emma Stone, Clark Duke, and Cloris Leachman round out a superb cast that interact with such authenticity and energy that you forget they are voicing high tech cartoons.   Cage and Reynolds deliver sincere and entertaining performances, as well, and play off each other with all the zest and zeal of your finest buddy feature.  With all that said, the animation immerses you in a fantastic world of breathtaking color and definition that perfectly accentuates and amplifies the story and scope.  For a kids flick, it is one of the best.   So you can imagine my utter shock and awe.  4 out of 5 Kernels; imaginative, engaging, and thoroughly entertaining, mucho kudos to Micco and Sanders for attempting the impossible and succeeding especially, where everyone else has failed, miserably in most instances, when it comes to this picture’s two leading men.    

One Minute Movie Review: Thor: The Dark World

To begin with  there will be no spoilers, so feel free to relax whilst you read this short review.  Director Alan Taylor, of Game of Thrones fame, tries his hand at directing the god of thunder in this highly anticipated sequel that adds another notch to the Marvel Cinematic's Universe's collective belt.   With most of the original cast returning, this film picks up, where both the original feature and the Avengers left off.   The best way to handle this particular analysis, without divulging too much information, is to set it up on a simple grading scale dissecting the essential elements that make or break a film, and, more accurately a sequel.   Those facets include; effective continuum in the mythology in regards to its predecessor, chemistry between characters, plot, and, finally, scope, or impressiveness of the overall look and feel.   The continuum receives an A as it flows smoothly, nearly seamlessly from the first to the second.   Chemistry is a C, which is upsetting because the primary relationship between Jane and Thor, is unusually cold, methodical, and nearly lifeless.  There is absolutely no depth or exploration of their connection, which is sadly disappointing especially coming from someone like Taylor, and chiefly due to the lackluster performance of Portman, and even Hemsworth when it comes to this element of the movie.  However, as bad as that is, it is Hiddleston and Hemsworth's interaction that saves the film, and gives it the emotional and humorous layers it so desperately needed.  Plot is a C, although I appreciate that they went total comic book with the story, the science of it is so fantastical, nearly ridiculous, at times, it becomes difficult to digest even for the most dedicated fan-boy or purist.    The scope is unequivocally an A+ as this picture is epic in scale and far surpasses the original in action, effects, and detail.    The first gave a great origins story that felt genuine and relatable, this one does not, but is still, overall, a good flick, especially for those who truly appreciate the comic series.  Kudos to Hiddleston who has single handily created the most beloved bad guy in the history of modern cinema. In the end, a far better Marvel outing than the tragic and downright goofy Stark finale.  Side-note, stay through the entire credits at the end, I won’t say anymore.  3 out of 5 Kernels; it is sad in a film where the story calls for the hero to fight to save the love of his life, instead the bromance, trumps the romance.