Sunday, August 4, 2013
One Minute Movie Review: Jack The Giant Slayer
This is latest of the many Fairy Tale reboots, Red Riding Hood, Mirror, Mirror, Snow White and the Huntsmen, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, ect., that have littered the silver screen in the last few years, none of which have been raving successes, to say the least. So with that in mind, Bryan Singer, of X-Men fame decided to try his hand at the genre retelling the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, which as everyone knows, was a story that was in high demand. I have never sat through a film, where you literally feel every minute pass by. I must have hit the status button on the remote at least five times, each time it was followed by a deep sigh when I realized how little of the movie had progressed since my last check in. To say it was boring would be a "giant" understatement. But on the bright side, the usage as a non medicinal cure for insomnia may be a plus. The acting is atrocious, and the cast of characters are about as original as plain Cheerios. A perfect example is Bill Nighy's regurgitation of his Davy Jones persona, except this time, trapped in the body of a two headed behemoth, nothing new, just a half hearted facsimile. The biggest question is why newcomer, Nicholas Hoult, of Warm Bodies, a picture I am exceedingly pleased to say I have not, or will ever see, has a career at all. He is about as exciting and captivating as Tofu. The remaining cast is just as silly, with the apex of that ridiculousness being reached through the King's character, which appears to be a deliberate attempt to create a live action version of Lord Farquaad. The special effects appear to be left overs from the Lord of the Rings, with some of the battle scenes literal recreations from that trilogy. This is an absolute mess of a movie and an eternal stain on Singer's relatively successful resume. 0 out of 5 Kernels: Fe-Fi-Fo Fum, this film stinks, and is enormously Ho Hum.