One Minute Movie Review: Parkland

The account of the JFK assassination, which is one of the most pivotal & tragic moments in US history, has been recreated to a point of ad nauseam, examined from nearly every conceivable angle & perspective, & cycled through any & all plausible to downright ludicrous conspiracy theories, with very little left of the story to tell in a new, fresh, or innovative way.   Then along comes author Vincent Bugliosi & this feature, based on his novels, Reclaiming History & The Assassination of President John F Kennedy, & completely shatters my prior statement.  This picture, directed by Peter Landesman, his debut in the big chair, by the way, brings us several differing but acutely focused & emotionally charged vantage points ranging from the hospital staff that treated Kennedy in his final moments, to Zapruder, the man who took the most famous & infamous 8 mm film in history, to the team of loyal, almost zealous, Secret Service agents, & finally the Oswald family, zeroing in on Lee's brother & his reaction to the consequences to one of the darkest day's in our collective memory.   The storytelling is majestic with acting, by this stellar cast, that is inspired and deeply authentic.  It is  filmed like a docudrama, with a scope & sweep that is so genuine, realistic, & moving that it is, at times, difficult to watch.   To single out one performance is futile, as every character, whether main or supporting, has a powerful & lasting impact for whatever length they serve on the silver screen.   An absolute masterpiece of a movie that brings you into the midst of the tragedy itself & its gut-wrenching aftermath.    5 out 5 Kernels: without a doubt one of the best films of 2013 that you may have never known existed.

One Minute Movie Review: The World's End

This is the third installment of Edgar Wright's eclectic trilogy starring, most notably, Simon Pegg & Nick Frost. For the sake of time and length of this review, you can Google Wright and his cast to explore their prior exploits.  The three letters that best describe this alleged final outing is WTF, which is a running, or should I say, limping, gag throughout the picture. It was hard to review this flick, because, unlike other films which I strictly critique based on their merits, production values, and definitive content, with this movie I find myself at a weird loss.  I just did not like the film, not because it wasn't written or acted well that the plot pieces didn't fit together snugly, or even the trademark British quick wit which was founded by the pioneers behind script shows like Monty Python's Flying Circus or series such as Faulty Towers.   Again, Google them if you are lost by this point.  For me, it just seemed like a goofy concept that didn't really deserve a cinematic treatment. Now, the performances were solid, authentic, and somewhat endearing.  The humor was mild but decently effective providing a few moments of sharp and fluid dialogue. However, the story was frustratingly eccentric, bordering on silly, which, believe it or not, I truly think was the goal.  Being such a fan of the Brits and their unique and biting comedy, I thought I would utterly enjoy this farce.  Rather, I found myself, just slightly entertained but mostly disappointed believing, with this ensemble cast of characters, it would be a truly creative and funny film. I was so very wrong.  1 out of 5 Kernels; an assumed Sci Fi spoof that focuses on a bar crawl among childhood friends, as far as attention span goes it ends up barely crawling at all.

One Minute Movie Review: The Lone Ranger (2013)

Alright, before I proceed any further, let me list the two good things about this train wreck of a movie, no pun intended.  The score is magnificent & cinematography is absolutely breathtaking.   With that said, every other element of this picture is utterly worthless.  When did Hollyweird decide that audiences desire to see every hero reduced to a flawed, goofy, clueless, & inept mess who more or less accidentally saves the day & is no one anyone would strive or desire to emulate? Why must we reduce our heroes to the lowest human level rather than wish to rise to theirs?  I grew up on the Lone Ranger, a lawman who was sincere, true, & brave.  It was fantasy, I knew that even as a child, but it gave me an ideal to aspire to.  Can anyone honestly say that, about any of the alleged heroic figures, LA is spewing out today?   These reboots seem to be a deliberate reflection of the directors inability to achieve the standards set forth by their muses rather than a true telling of their tales.   I thought The Dark Knight series & The Man of Steel set the new lows in turning their heroes into whiny emasculated, human punching bags, but this celluloid pile far exceeds even those travesties.   Gore Verbinski, of Pirates of the Caribbean fame, commits career suicide in the most gruesome of ways &, even more disturbingly, invites us to watch all two plus hours of it.   Depp, who is the quintessential character actor, delivers the most boring, idiotic, & downright racist performances of his career.   Was there no American Indian actors to play the part of Tonto?   The rest of the cast is as interesting as watching grass grow & then witnessing a dog defecate on it.  Add into that the most blatant anti-American story-line a liberal could imagine in his or her deepest wet dream & you have one of the greatest epic fails in cinematic history, & that includes such stinkers as Tropic Thunder, Vanilla Sky, & Elysium to name a few.   0 out of 5 Kernels: never have I wanted more to use a silver bullet to end my misery while watching this film feces.

One Minute Movie Review: Kick Ass 2

Kick Ass is back as is much of the original cast plus a few new masked faces, however, original director Matthew Vaughn is out, replaced by Jeff Wadlow (Cry Wolf & Never Back Down, & if you haven't heard of either one of these films, you are in good company).   This go round, Kick Ass is not alone in his half ars attempt at crime fighting, rather he is joined by a motley crew of costumed misfits who believe they to can make a difference in the "real" world, including Jim Carrey in his most Un-Jim Carrey role yet.    But Carrey is no Cage, which is not necessarily a bad thing anymore, but for this series it makes a tremendous difference.  Mortez brings Hit Girl back to gloriously violent & profane life while Johnson's performance is a bit more lackluster & superficial. Plasse excels playing a living train wreck, although most of his scenes are played full on tongue in cheek with great success, the dramatic moments that were needed to flesh out his character completely  miss their mark.  By the end of the film,  you definitely long for Strong's sophisticated & delightfully evil quintessential villain from the first movie.  In addition, all the uniqueness, crass, & dark humor of the original is either missing, overreaching, or supplanted with stale, almost silly dialogue & over the top action sequences that are less edgy & more designed for cheap thrills & to satisfy fan-boy cinematic blood lust.   The story is solid, but choppy, so it is not told well & even overtly preachy at times.   It feels as though they tried to do too much in the time they had to do it in.  Overall, compared to the original, it disappoints, but as a companion piece,  it somewhat compliment its predecessor & if you are looking for an amusement ride of a flick, this could be considered a win. I thoroughly enjoy the concept, it is both engaging & entertaining, in a disturbing, almost shameful guilty pleasure kind of way.  The first delivered like a powerhouse, the sequel feels more like a sidekick. 2 out of 5 Kernels: there are some very cool, truly quotable moments, & Mortez rocks, but neither is enough to truly save the day, or this film from failing to reach its potential.

One Minute Movie Review: Carrie (2013)

This is the second reboot of King's horror classic that strives to feel more like an 80's teen angst movie meets the twilight zone than a truly creepy horror flick which was prevalent in the original 1976 cult favorite.   King's films rarely transpose well on the silver screen, & most lose most of their savor & story in the attempt at a cinema length shock fest.  The reason; King's specialty is the characters more than the tale; their relationships, evolution, victories, & misfortunes.  His novels take along time to develop those facets & the patience that kind of storytelling requires does not transfer well to the LA big wigs assembly line productions that trade big CGI budgets for quality of plot & performance.  It is a sacrifice that deteriorates nearly all of his concepts into little more than cheap thrilled, gore propelled, drive-in fare.   Unfortunately, this film also does not escape that malady.   Although, Chloe Grace Moretz's performance rivals Spacek's in both emotion & authenticity. Her scenes are almost difficult to watch as she plays the tormented teen which such genuineness it is uncomfortable, nearly painful to view.   However, her stellar portrayal can't compete with the lackluster, stereotypical, & two-dimensional performances of her supporting cast.  The story is told too abruptly & tries too hard to be a mimic of the original movie rather than the novel.   Although you connect with Mortez, the rest of the film feels disjointed & over reaching.  Moore also delivers a haunting but somewhat over the top portrayal of Carrie's zealot mom.  Again, feeling too much like a copy of the first film.  Director Pierce is pretty well know for her indie films, I wish she would have poured a little more of that style into this production.  The special effects are sleek and realistic, but I think the build was focused on that element rather than the emotional dysfunction of Carrie & her Mommy Dearest which is the driving force of the book.  2 out of 5 Kernels; one day they'll get the King Equation right, but for now, we will have to settle with the best Hollyweird can deliver.

One Minute Movie Review: The Way Way Back

Indie films, especially comedies, oft times overplay their hands either becoming overtly folksy, preachy, sappy, or so filled with "inside" jokes & introspection's that the audience is left scratching their collective heads & feeling slightly confused & greatly let down.    The formula & characters are usually so overly complicated & weighed down in symbolism & ideology that they disconnect themselves from the audience & lose all entertainment value.   I am very happy to report that this film does none of those things.  Simple, sweet, effective, heartfelt, authentic, and endearing in both story & performances this movie hits every mark in the exact right spot creating a heartwarming, sometimes painful to watch, & consistently funny picture that shines a genuine reflection of the broken family & its effects on both parents & their offspring.    The cast plays off each with such sincerity & realism that you get completely lost in their characters, relationship, trials, & joys.  It is a tad bit predictable & somewhat gooey at times, but overall it plays fluidly, naturally, avoiding any overkill or polarization.    Rockwell gives one of the coolest performances of his career assisted by quick & biting dialogue & a noticeable honesty in his portrayal of the mentor that is, in fact, a big child himself. Carell has become a master at either playing the reluctant hero or the total douche-bag, I won't spoil which one he achieves this go round.  Don't look for any so called "Oscar" worthy moments, this is a film that understands what it is & doesn't try to be anything more or less.  A gentle Dramedy meant to anger, inspire, engage, & be enjoyed.   Its just too bad many of these smaller budget, bigger quality films, get unnoticed. Even I didn't know it existed until I saw the trailer debuting before a terrible movie.  4 out of 5 Kernels: Living by the moral this film conveys, this flick finds its own path, right to success.

One Minute Movie Review: Elysium

I often avoid reviews before I watch a movie to prevent someone's opinion tainting my blog musings after viewing said flick.  However, this film had such strong disdain, covering a myriad of media outlets, for its overt political and ideological viewpoints that it was difficult to avoid the myriad of conveyed observations.   So I tried to go into this with an open mind despite my exposure to the ramblings of others.  For most, this would seem a intensely focused "swipe" at conservative republican & independents with their misgivings about universal healthcare, alleged support of lessening individual rights in the name of national security, & stances against illegal immigration.  That might work, if those individuals were in power, however, it is the opposing & currently controlling party that has made a mess of our healthcare system, done nothing about "immigration reform" in their almost 8 years of unbridled power, & seem to be at the forefront of NSA monitoring abuses that ignore personal rights & privacy.   Leave that all aside, & this movie still reeks like week old garbage.  The acting is unbelievable, Fosters accent is so strange & unidentifiable it is nearly laughable, Copley hasn't made a decent movie since District 9, & Damon seems listless & bored playing the reluctant hero.  Add into that a poorly told story that is overtly preachy & predictable & almost feels, at times, like leftover footage from District 9.  Of course that was a superior & powerful film about the sins of Apartheid directed by Neil Blomkamp who, ironically, also directed this steaming pile of cinematic crapola, so go figure.  The effects sequences are visually stunning & the action is OK, but neither are capable of saving this  Sci-Fi fail.   0 out of 5 Kernels; thanks to this flop I now have deep concerns if Blomkamp really tries his hand at District 10, Neil it might be best to leave well enough alone.