Tuesday, October 1, 2013
One Minute Movie Review: The Host
I look forward to the day when the sappy and silly tween fantasy film series adapted from the even sappier and sillier tween fantasy novel series becomes a distant, barely recallable, cinematic memory. Whomever writes this dribble should be forced to listen to hours of NPR radio while watching nonstop reruns of Ally McBeal so they too can experience the eye and ear rape they commit when their literary, and I use the term loosely, works become celluloid torture for anyone who has already reached puberty. Stephenie Meyer is public enemy number one as far as this is concerned. However, as most of these films fail in every way, the Host has some mildly redeeming, and again I use the term loosely, qualities. First, the concept, a rebooted for the maturity challenged Invasion of the Body Snatcher's plot line would have actually played fairly interestingly had it been explored and utilized in a serious, adult, horror/Sci-fi take. Second, actress Saoirse Ronan, whose name sounds like a disease of the liver, delivers a pretty authentic and engaging dual performance as both the alien "host" and the human trapped inside, and that's about the extent of the spoilers I will divulge. The majority of the remaining cast, whom I will not identify, because most I have never heard of or particularly care about, is about as entertaining and talented as a bowl of cold oatmeal. Although there are a few headliners, they are unable to elevate the overall ensemble of novices above a collectively stale and insipid performance. That's it for the good. The rest is all rubbish. From a ridiculous ideology that millions of aliens that invaded and committed genocide of humanity are somehow redeemable because they are genuinely just friendly, sparkly, yes, here she goes with the sparkles again, glowing snowflakes looking for a place to chill. To special effects that rival SYFY channel made for TV fare and ends with action sequences that are about as exciting as watching cows graze. Director Andrew Niccol has a string of non hits, so this meets all expectations based off of past creations. 0 out of 5 Kernels: As stated before, Meyers loves to make her characters sparkle, whether they are Vampires or E.T's, too bad her movies never do.